"Read this if…" violence, threats or controlling behaviour have made your life less safe, and you want to understand what a personal safety plan could involve and where you can ask for help.
When someone else makes your home or relationship unpredictable, ordinary decisions can carry risks. Contacting a friend, keeping money aside, taking a child to school or searching for help online may all require more thought than they once did.
A safety plan is a practical, individual approach to reducing risks and identifying options. It considers your circumstances, the person causing harm, people who may be affected and the support available to you. It may be useful while you are still living with someone, if you are considering separation, or after you have left.
No safety plan can guarantee protection. You do not have to complete a checklist, prove that you have been harmed or decide to leave before asking for support.
Don't Be THAT Guy (DBTG) is an educational project, not a crisis service. This article is a starting point rather than a plan tailored to your situation. For more detail on separation and accessing services, read **Leaving Safely** and **Finding Trusted Support for GBV**.
If you are in danger right now
If you are facing immediate violence or a serious threat, seek emergency help as soon as it is safe to do so. If you can, move away from the immediate danger and contact emergency services. Do not delay urgent help to gather documents, preserve evidence or finish reading this article.
In South Africa:
- 10111 — SAPS police emergencies. Use this when urgent police assistance is needed.
- 112 — emergency assistance from a mobile phone. This connects callers with emergency assistance services.
- 0800 428 428 — GBV Command Centre. A government support and referral contact for gender-based violence. It is not a substitute for emergency police dispatch.
- SMS “help” to 31531 — GBV Command Centre contact option, identified by government sources as especially relevant to people with disabilities. Consider whether sending or receiving a message could be noticed by someone monitoring your phone.
If you are outside South Africa, use the emergency services and specialist support resources for your location. Contact methods and service availability can change; confirm details with the relevant provider when possible.
What a personal safety plan considers
A useful plan asks what could happen in your circumstances and what responses might reduce harm. A specialist GBV service or trained social worker can help you think this through without expecting you to make every decision immediately.
Some areas worth discussing include the following. None of these is a compulsory action, and a step that is helpful in one situation may increase risk in another.
People you may be able to trust
Is there someone who listens without blaming you, respects your confidentiality and can help in a way you choose? It might be a friend, relative, colleague, neighbour or professional.
You might discuss what they should do if they become concerned about your safety. Some people arrange a specific phrase or a method of checking in. But code words and planned messages are useful only if the people involved understand them and the communication method is reasonably safe. An abusive person may see messages or hear calls.
You also have the right to choose how much to tell someone. You do not need to share every detail to ask for a conversation or a referral.
Places, transport and practical needs
Consider where you might seek help during an emergency, how you could get there and whether the location is genuinely safe. A family home may seem obvious but could be the first place someone looks. Shelters have their own admission arrangements and capacities, so availability should not be assumed.
If specialist support is available, discuss practical factors such as transport, money, identity documents, medication, disability-related equipment and essential items for children. Do not assume that preparing a bag, hiding belongings or changing routines is safe if the person causing harm checks your possessions or movements.
A safety plan may also need to account for shared housing, employment, financial dependence, immigration status or the possibility that someone is withholding important documents.
Children and other dependants
Children may have their own immediate and ongoing safety needs. A plan can consider school collection arrangements, safe adults, access to medication and how to help a child seek assistance in a way appropriate to their age.
Do not place responsibility for an adult's safety on a child or expect them to confront the person causing harm. If schooling, custody or relocation arrangements are disputed, seek appropriate legal or specialist advice before making decisions that may have legal consequences.
Pets can also matter. A person may delay seeking help because they fear for an animal's safety. Ask a support service about available arrangements rather than assuming a shelter can accommodate animals or that someone else can care for them.
Phones, accounts and location information
Technology can help you reach support, but it may also reveal what you are doing. Someone could have access to a shared account, device backups, location-sharing settings, messages or browsing activity without your knowledge.
You may see advice to change passwords, turn off tracking, remove applications or block the person. Those actions are not automatically safe. An unexpected change can be noticed and may trigger confrontation or retaliation.
If you suspect digital monitoring, consider discussing your options privately with a specialist service or knowledgeable professional before changing settings. A device or account that the person cannot access may be helpful for sensitive communication, but you should not assume a workplace, library or friend's device is private without considering who can access it.
Avoid storing a detailed safety plan somewhere the person causing harm might discover it. Sometimes talking through a plan with a trusted professional is safer than keeping a written copy.
Records and evidence
Medical records, messages, dates and descriptions can sometimes assist a support service, lawyer or police officer in understanding what has happened. You do not need a complete record to seek help.
Keeping screenshots, photographs or notes may itself create a risk if a device or physical space is searched. Think about safety and confidentiality before collecting or storing information, and seek advice where possible. Do not remain in danger to obtain evidence.
If you have injuries or have experienced sexual violence, medical care can be important even if you are uncertain about reporting to police. Some interventions are time-sensitive, so contact a healthcare professional promptly. A Thuthuzela Care Centre may be an option for care and support after sexual assault in South Africa; local access and services should be confirmed.
If you are staying for now
A person may remain in a harmful situation for many reasons: concern for children, money, housing, disability, threats, emotional attachment or a realistic fear that separation could provoke further violence.
You do not have to justify those circumstances to receive support.
A safety conversation can begin with what is happening now. Which situations create particular danger? Is there a reliable way to contact help? Does anyone know that you are concerned? What would make a particular response more or less risky?
Some common tips, such as hiding cash or belongings, rehearsing a departure or secretly changing routines, may be unsuitable in a monitored household. A specialist can help you assess options in light of what the other person knows and how they have responded in the past.
Getting advice does not commit you to leaving. You may need time, information or practical support before you know what you want or what is possible.
If you are preparing to leave, or have already left
Separation can change the risks rather than ending them immediately. Stalking, threats, financial pressure and digital harassment may continue after people live apart.
Depending on your circumstances, a specialist safety plan may address safe accommodation, transport, children, school or workplace arrangements, financial access and methods of communication. Notifying a school or employer may be useful in some situations, but details should be shared thoughtfully, especially where there are legal arrangements or confidentiality concerns.
In South Africa, a person experiencing domestic violence may be able to apply for a protection order under the applicable law. A court order can provide legal protections, but it does not physically prevent someone from causing harm. A trained support worker or legal adviser can explain the process and its limitations, including issues involving children or shared homes.
For separation-specific guidance, continue with **Leaving Safely**.
Finding the right kind of help
Different services can help with different parts of your situation. You may need more than one, but you do not have to approach them all at once.
| If you need… | A possible starting point |
|---|---|
| Urgent police help | SAPS 10111, or 112 from a mobile phone for emergency assistance |
| Someone to discuss GBV and referrals with | GBV Command Centre: 0800 428 428 |
| Medical care after injury or sexual assault | A healthcare facility; ask about a Thuthuzela Care Centre where relevant |
| Advice on protection orders, children or housing | An appropriately qualified legal adviser, legal aid service or court support service |
| Counselling, shelter or longer-term practical assistance | A recognised GBV organisation, social worker or shelter referral service |
**TEARS Foundation** is one South African organisation identified in government support listings. You can also read **Finding Trusted Support for GBV** for ways to assess an organisation's confidentiality, services and referral practices.
Before sharing sensitive details, it is reasonable to ask a professional who will have access to your information, what confidentiality limits apply and whether any reporting obligations arise, particularly when children are involved.
When contacting a service, you may find it useful to explain what you are most concerned about, whether you are safe at that moment and whether someone can access your phone. You do not need a polished account or a collection of evidence to ask for help. See **When Should You Ask for Help?**.
If you are supporting someone
Ask what help they want and what might put them at risk. Practical assistance can include transport, attending an appointment, helping them find an appropriate service or being available for a private conversation.
Avoid contacting or confronting the person causing harm, posting about the situation, sharing private information or arranging an intervention without discussing the consequences with the person affected. In an emergency, seek appropriate emergency help.
If someone remains in or returns to a harmful relationship, continue to treat them with dignity. Their circumstances may be more complicated or dangerous than you know.
Read **Supporting Someone Experiencing GBV** for more detail.
Final thought
Safety planning begins with the circumstances a person is actually living in. There may be difficult choices, incomplete information and limits on what can be done immediately.
You deserve to be taken seriously when you ask for help, whether you are ready to leave, uncertain what comes next or trying to stay safer today.
Start with the safest next step available to you. If you are in immediate danger, emergency assistance takes priority over every checklist in this article.
Sources
- South African Police Service — 10111 Emergency Call Centre. Police emergency contact and purpose.
- South African Department of Social Development — GBV contact information. GBV Command Centre contact methods.
- South African Government — Thuthuzela Care Centres. Medical, counselling and related support after sexual offences.
- South African Department of Justice — Domestic Violence FAQ. Current domestic-violence protection-order context.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) — What Is a Safety Plan?. General principles of individualised safety planning; its US contact details do not apply to South Africa.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) — Internet Safety. Technology-monitoring and privacy considerations; not a South African service referral.