If you're wondering why Don't Be THAT Guy exists, I'd like to tell you where it began.
My name is Kobus Myburgh. This project grew from something my family experienced firsthand: my son was bullied at school. What happened affected him deeply, and it changed how I understood bullying, its consequences, and the responsibility we have to address it.
Where it started
The idea for Don't Be THAT Guy took shape in 2018, after my son Jack was bullied at his previous school. I wanted to help him, but I quickly discovered how much I still needed to understand.
So I started reading and researching. I wanted to understand why bullying happens, how it affects children, what adults can do about it, and what might prevent it from happening to someone else.
For roughly two years, I worked on ideas in my spare time. There were notes, presentations and several attempts at building a website. I also had doubts about whether I was doing the right thing, whether the material was good enough, and whether anyone would find it useful.
In 2021, I decided to publish what I had and see where it could lead.
During those early years, I also developed a short presentation that gave the project its name. It tells the story of a person standing at a wall, a crowd chanting, and a seemingly small act with serious consequences. You can read it separately in Don't Be THAT Guy: The Story Behind the Name.
That presentation explains the name. Jack's experience explains why I felt compelled to create the project.
Who this project is for
As I learned more about bullying, I began to understand that meaningful prevention requires us to consider everyone involved. That includes people experiencing harm, those who witness it, and those responsible for causing it.
DBTG therefore speaks to three broad groups:
- People being bullied, who deserve to be taken seriously, understand what is happening, and know where they can seek help.
- People trying to help, including parents, teachers, friends, colleagues and bystanders who want to recognise harmful behaviour and respond appropriately.
- People who bully, who need to understand the consequences of their conduct, take responsibility for it, and change their behaviour.
I have always felt strongly about that third group. It may be uncomfortable to talk about helping someone who has caused harm, particularly when another person is suffering because of their actions. But ignoring the behaviour at its source leaves an important part of prevention unaddressed.
Supporting those who have been harmed must remain a priority. At the same time, we need to understand what allows bullying to begin, continue or become normalised.
People engage in harmful behaviour for different reasons, and those reasons are not always obvious. Understanding them can inform prevention and intervention, but it does not excuse the behaviour or remove responsibility for the harm caused.
Jack's story — briefly
Jack was only four when he experienced bullying from other children. At that age, he could not understand why it was happening. Watching your child go through something like that, while struggling to make it stop, leaves a lasting impression.
My wife Tanya and I spent months looking for a school where he could feel safe again. Eventually, we found Out of the Box Academy in Fourways, Johannesburg.
The change was remarkable. Jack made friends, enjoyed learning, and gradually became a child who, most mornings, was happy to go to school.
It took time and a great deal of effort from several people:
- Jack's own resilience
- months spent finding a suitable school environment
- teachers and staff who understood his needs
- many hours of research, encouragement and support, particularly on difficult days
When I wrote an earlier version of this story, Jack was eight. By then, he was doing much better. Seeing him enjoy school again meant more to us than I can easily describe.
His younger brother, Henry, later attended the same school, where teacher Shannon and her team also cared for him.
From one family's crisis to a public learning effort
Bullying existed long before my family experienced it. But Jack's experience made it impossible for me to remain a detached observer. I had seen what it could do to a child and how difficult it could be for a family to find the right help.
As my research continued, I began thinking about how I could make what I had learned available to other people.
That idea eventually became DBTG: a public learning hub offering articles and explanations about bullying, harassment, gender-based violence, and related harmful behaviour.
The project cannot intervene in individual situations or replace the work of schools, employers, counsellors, support organisations or emergency services. Its contribution is educational: helping people recognise patterns of harm, understand their implications, and consider what kind of response or assistance may be appropriate.
Although the project's scope has grown, I still believe it must speak to those experiencing harm, people trying to help, and people who need to reconsider their own conduct.
What we are focused on now
Jack's experience gave me a reason to begin. The possibility of helping someone else gives me a reason to continue.
I hope DBTG helps people recognise bullying and other forms of harmful behaviour earlier, understand what they are seeing, and feel better equipped to respond.
I also hope it encourages honest reflection among people who recognise something of their own behaviour in what they read. Prevention depends partly on our willingness to acknowledge harm and take responsibility for changing it.
I cannot know how many people this project will reach or what difference it will make in their lives. But if it helps someone find the words to describe what is happening, encourages a bystander to respond, or prompts someone to reconsider harmful conduct, it will have served a worthwhile purpose.
Where to read next
If you'd like to explore some of the issues discussed in this story, these articles offer useful starting points:
- How Do You Recognise Bullying? — name the forms harm takes
- See Something, Say Something — why bystanders matter
- Warning Signs of Bullying — what to notice before harm escalates
- Ally to All — ordinary conduct that protects dignity around you
- Don't Be THAT Guy: The Story Behind the Name — the founding presentation story
A note on names
Jack and Henry are pseudonyms used to protect my children's identities. The experiences described are real.
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. If bullying or other harmful behaviour has affected your life, whether directly or through someone you care about, I hope you find something here that helps you understand it a little better.