"Read this if…" someone is using messages, accounts, photographs, location sharing or other technology to frighten, monitor, humiliate or control you, and you are trying to understand what is happening and what help may be available.

Phones and online spaces can keep us connected to friends, family, work and help. They can also give a person who is causing harm ways to reach someone long after a conversation ends or a relationship has ended.

Digital abuse describes the use of technology to harass, threaten, monitor, shame, exploit or control another person. When the conduct is connected to gender, sexuality, intimate relationships or gender-based power and discrimination, it can form part of gender-based violence (GBV). Digital abuse can accompany physical, sexual, emotional or economic abuse, but it can also cause serious harm without physical contact.

Not every unwanted message is GBV, and not all technology-based abuse is gender-based. The context matters: what is being done, whether it is welcome, its impact, any threats or power imbalance, and whether it forms part of a wider pattern of coercion.

What digital abuse can look like

Technology-based harm takes different forms, including:

• Monitoring and tracking. Someone demands continuous location sharing, checks movements through an app or uses accounts and devices to find out where you have been.
• Control through communication. Repeated calls and messages are accompanied by demands for immediate responses, accusations or punishment when you do not reply.
• Unauthorised access. Someone pressures you to reveal passwords, enters accounts without permission or reads private conversations as a condition of the relationship.
• Impersonation. A person creates fake profiles or sends messages pretending to be you, potentially damaging relationships or your reputation.
• Harassment and stalking. Threatening contact continues across platforms, sometimes after blocking, separation or requests to stop.
• Exposure of personal details. An address, workplace or other identifying information is published or threatened with publication to frighten or expose someone to harm. This is sometimes called doxxing.
• Sexual coercion and intimate-image abuse. Someone pressures you to send sexual images, threatens to share them or distributes them without your consent. Edited or artificially generated sexual imagery can also be used to humiliate or threaten.
• Outing and identity-based threats. A person's sexual orientation, gender identity or private personal information is threatened with disclosure as a means of pressure or punishment.
• Financial or practical interference. Shared accounts, banking access, online services or connected devices are used to restrict independence or interfere with everyday life.

Some of these behaviours overlap with **Cyberbullying: What Is It, and What Can You Do?**. In an abusive relationship, however, the person causing harm may also have access to the home, finances, social connections or private information. That can make digital threats particularly difficult to escape.

When ordinary technology use becomes control

Sharing a location with a partner or sending frequent messages is not automatically abusive. People may choose to share information for convenience, safety or affection.

The distinction often lies in choice and consequences. Can someone stop sharing their location without being threatened? Can they leave a message unanswered while at work? Can they keep private accounts and maintain friendships without facing accusations or retaliation?

Consider two examples:

You do not have to establish someone's hidden intentions before acknowledging that a behaviour feels threatening or crosses a boundary.

Intimate images: consent to create is not consent to share

An intimate photograph or video may have been made or shared willingly in a private relationship. That does not mean the person in it has agreed to public distribution.

The term non-consensual intimate-image abuse is preferable to revenge porn. It describes the conduct without assuming that the person's motive was revenge or implying that the material was made for public consumption.

Threats to distribute images can be used for blackmail, sexual coercion or intimidation. The image may never be published for the threat to have a serious effect.

If this is happening to you, you have options besides negotiating with the person making the threat. Specialist support can help you consider platform reports, safety planning and possible legal steps without promising that any action will remove all copies.

Two services may help in appropriate circumstances:

• **StopNCII.org** helps eligible adults create a digital fingerprint of intimate images on their own device. Participating platforms can use it to identify and remove matching material. It does not remove content from the whole internet.
• **Take It Down** is designed for nude or sexually explicit material created when the person depicted was under 18. It likewise works with participating platforms, and its guidance says not to download or forward an image solely to use the service.

If images involve a child, do not copy, forward or download them to collect evidence. Ask an appropriate child-protection or law-enforcement service how to report the material safely.

If you suspect your device or accounts are being monitored

The instinct may be to change every password, delete an app, disable location sharing or block the person immediately. Those steps sometimes help, but sudden changes can also alert someone who is monitoring you. They may react, increase surveillance or interfere with access to money, transport or communication.

There is no single checklist that is safe for everyone. Before changing settings, consider:

• What might the other person already control? This may include the phone contract, email recovery details, shared cloud storage, family location features, banking access or connected home devices.
• Could a change be noticed? Some services send security notifications, reveal a device that has stopped sharing its location or show when a session ends.
• Is there a safer way to seek advice first? If available, a device and account the other person has never had access to may provide a safer way to contact a specialist service. A workplace or public computer is not automatically private.
• Could losing access make things harder? A sudden password change or device reset may remove useful information, disrupt communication or affect access to essential services.

A GBV support worker who understands technology-related abuse may help you decide which changes to make, when to make them and how to reduce risk. **Leaving Safely** discusses broader considerations when separating from someone who is abusive.

Recording incidents and reporting harm

Messages, account notifications, usernames, dates and URLs can sometimes help explain a pattern to a support service, online platform or investigator. But keeping such records can also create risk if another person can access your devices or belongings.

Only record or store information when it is safe for you to do so. It may be safer to ask a specialist how to preserve information than to take screenshots on a monitored phone or send copies to a shared email account. Do not access someone else's accounts or obtain material unlawfully in an attempt to prove what happened.

Depending on the situation, possible routes include platform reporting mechanisms, a GBV support organisation, a legal adviser or the South African Police Service. Reporting and blocking are choices that should be considered in light of immediate safety; they are not compulsory first steps for every situation.

For guidance on choosing a service, see **Finding Trusted Support for GBV**.

What South African law may cover

South African law recognises several forms of electronic harm, although not every unpleasant online interaction is a criminal offence.

Section 16 of the Cybercrimes Act 19 of 2020 addresses the unlawful and intentional disclosure, through an electronic communications service, of an intimate image without the consent of the person depicted, subject to the Act's definitions and requirements.

The Protection from Harassment Act 17 of 2011 provides a route to seek protection against certain harassment, including conduct involving electronic communications. The available legal route depends on the behaviour and relationship involved; domestic-violence legislation may also be relevant in a domestic relationship.

These are broad explanations rather than legal advice. A support organisation or qualified legal professional can help you identify which protections may apply and what a report or application involves.

Supporting young people facing digital abuse

For young people, controlling behaviour may appear as demands for account passwords, persistent checking of whereabouts, sexual-image pressure or threats to circulate private material.

A parent, educator or trusted adult can help by listening without blame, taking the threat seriously and considering the child's immediate safety and privacy. Avoid forwarding intimate material, even to demonstrate what happened. Ask suitable child-protection, school or specialist services about reporting and support.

Young people may fear losing their phones, friendships or access to support if they disclose what happened. Explaining what you may need to share, with whom and why can help them understand the next steps, while recognising any safeguarding duties that apply.

If you recognise these behaviours in yourself

Checking a partner's private messages, demanding their location, threatening to expose personal information or using intimate photographs as leverage are serious intrusions. Anxiety, jealousy or anger do not give someone the right to control another person's technology or choices.

If you have done these things, stop the monitoring, threats and pressure. Do not insist that the person reassure you, share access or forgive you. Respect their decision about contact and seek appropriate professional help if you are struggling to change a pattern of controlling behaviour.

Deleting an image or saying sorry may be necessary, but it does not automatically repair the harm or restore trust. Accountability includes respecting the other person's privacy and boundaries going forward.

Final thought

Technology can make it easier to maintain relationships and seek help. It can also extend harassment, threats and control into places that should feel private.

If technology is being used against you, you deserve to have the harm taken seriously. You do not need to solve the technical problem alone or make every change immediately. Support should help you decide what is safest in your circumstances.

Sources

• South African Department of Justice — Cybercrimes Act 19 of 2020, particularly section 16 on intimate images.
• South African Department of Justice — Protection from Harassment Act information and forms, including electronic harassment.
• Safety Net Project (NNEDV) — Technology Safety & Privacy: A Toolkit for Survivors, specialist digital-safety resources.
• StopNCII.org, adult intimate-image abuse prevention and removal support with participating platforms.
• Take It Down (NCMEC), support for intimate images made when the person depicted was under 18.