"Read this if…" you have noticed changes in a child, friend, learner or colleague and wonder whether bullying could be involved, or you are concerned that someone close to you may be bullying others.

You may notice a child becoming reluctant to go to school, a colleague withdrawing from conversations or a friend suddenly avoiding a group they once enjoyed. Sometimes there is an explanation you already know. Sometimes there isn't.

A warning sign is a reason to pay attention, not a verdict. Behaviour can change because of illness, family difficulties, anxiety, grief, friendship problems or many other circumstances. Some people experiencing bullying show no noticeable changes at all.

The aim is to notice possible harm sooner, listen carefully and respond to what you learn, rather than make accusations from a checklist.

What bullying can look like

Bullying commonly involves unwanted aggressive behaviour, a real or perceived power imbalance, and repetition or a likelihood of repetition. Power may come from physical strength, social position, group numbers, access to information or authority. School definitions and workplace policies may differ, and a single serious threat or assault can require intervention without meeting a particular bullying definition.

Bullying can involve hitting or intimidation, repeated insults, public humiliation, rumours, deliberate social exclusion or abusive messages. Online behaviour can continue beyond school or work hours and can be repeated through sharing, forwarding or renewed contact.

The absence of bruises tells you very little about whether someone is being harmed.

Signs that someone may be experiencing bullying

These observations are especially useful when they represent a change from the person's usual behaviour, occur together or appear connected to a particular place or group.

Changes around school, work or social contact

• Reluctance to attend school, work or activities that were previously comfortable.
• An abrupt loss of friends or avoidance of a particular group, route, meeting or online space.
• Declining participation, concentration or performance without an obvious explanation.
• Repeated requests to stay home, change classes or avoid particular shifts, with no clear reason offered.

A young person who dreads the school bus, for example, may be experiencing bullying there. They may also have another reason for avoiding it. Ask rather than assume.

Emotional and physical changes

• Increased worry, irritability, sadness, withdrawal or loss of confidence.
• Changes in sleeping or eating, recurring headaches or stomach aches.
• Unexplained injuries, missing belongings or damaged clothing.
• Appearing unusually tense before seeing certain people, receiving messages or attending particular activities.

These signs are not specific to bullying. Health concerns deserve appropriate medical attention even when bullying is one possible explanation.

Digital warning signs

Someone may seem distressed after viewing messages, withdraw from a group chat or suddenly avoid an online community. There may be repeated unwanted contact, humiliating posts, exclusion from group spaces or impersonation.

Avoid assuming that hiding a phone screen proves wrongdoing. Privacy is normal, particularly for teenagers and adults. The more useful question is whether technology has become a source of fear, pressure or humiliation.

Signs that someone may be bullying others

It is equally important to notice conduct that may be harming someone else. Possible concerns include:

• Repeated intimidation, mocking, threats or deliberate exclusion of a particular person.
• Encouraging others to join in or rewarding humiliation with attention.
• Sharing embarrassing material or pressuring someone to participate in an unwanted joke.
• Frequent physical or verbal fights, escalating aggression or repeated refusal to take responsibility for clearly established harm.
• Using popularity, seniority or authority to silence complaints or make another person afraid of the consequences of speaking up.

Some established bullying-prevention resources also list frequent disciplinary trouble, concern with popularity, unexplained new possessions or friendship with peers who bully others as possible warning signs in children. None of these is evidence of bullying by itself. A child who is competitive, has difficult friendships or struggles with authority is not automatically a bully.

Focus on what the person does, whom it affects and whether harmful conduct is continuing. A label can make a child or adult defensive; a specific conversation about conduct offers a better starting point for accountability.

When someone does not tell you what is happening

A person may be embarrassed, afraid of retaliation, unsure whether they will be believed or worried about losing friendships. They may also have tried asking for help before and felt dismissed.

Silence does not prove that bullying is happening, and it does not prove everything is fine.

A useful opening might be:

“I've noticed you don't seem comfortable going to school lately. Has something changed? You can tell me if someone is making things difficult.”

Or, at work:

“You seemed uncomfortable in that meeting. I might have misunderstood, but I wanted to check whether you're all right.”

Ask privately, allow time for an answer and avoid pressing for a detailed account in front of others. A person may need more than one conversation before they are ready to talk. If there is a significant safety concern, adults responsible for safeguarding may need to act even without a complete disclosure.

What to do when someone tells you

Listen before trying to solve everything. Ask what happened, who was involved, where it occurred and whether the person feels safe now. Explain what you can do and, especially when children are involved, do not promise secrecy that you may be unable to keep.

A constructive response could include:

• Taking the account seriously without declaring anyone guilty before the facts are established.
• Recording specific observations and incidents. Note dates, locations, words or actions, relevant witnesses and what steps were taken. Store sensitive information appropriately.
• Identifying who can act. For school incidents, this may be a trusted teacher, school counsellor, school management or safeguarding contact. At work, it may be a manager, HR representative, union representative or another suitable reporting channel.
• Considering retaliation risk. Do not confront the suspected person publicly or share disclosures widely without thinking through consequences.
• Following up. Ask whether the conduct has stopped and whether the person feels safer; an initial report is not always the end of the problem.

When a child is being harmed, they should not have to investigate the case themselves or carry the responsibility for stopping it. Adults and institutions must take appropriate action.

When the first response is inadequate

Sometimes a concern is minimised as teasing, a personality clash or a situation everyone should simply ignore. If the behaviour continues, return with specific incidents and request a clear response from a more appropriate person or level of responsibility.

For schools, that may mean asking for the relevant school policy, reporting to school management and requesting practical safety measures and follow-up. For workplaces, use appropriate formal or independent channels when the first contact is implicated or unable to help.

Do not assume that moving the affected person, telling them to toughen up or requiring an immediate face-to-face confrontation resolves the underlying conduct. Measures should address the harm and avoid further exposing the person who reported it.

When it may be more than bullying

Some harmful conduct requires urgent action regardless of whether it is repeated or fits a bullying definition. Examples include serious threats, assault, sexual harassment or abuse, coercion, stalking and credible danger to someone's safety.

If a person talks about suicide or self-harm, treat that as a serious concern in its own right. Seek prompt help from an appropriate healthcare or emergency professional, rather than assuming the cause is bullying or treating it as another item on a bullying checklist. If someone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.

Bullying and other forms of abuse can overlap, but they are not interchangeable. The right response depends on what has happened and the circumstances.

If you recognise yourself in these signs

You may realise that you have repeatedly singled someone out, made a group laugh at their expense, spread rumours or made it difficult for them to participate.

Don't focus only on whether you meant it as a joke. Consider what you did, whether the behaviour was unwanted and whether it continued after the other person showed discomfort or asked you to stop.

Stop the harmful conduct, take responsibility for specific actions and seek help to change a recurring pattern. The person affected is not obliged to forgive you or restore the relationship. Accountability is demonstrated through changed conduct over time.

Final thought

Warning signs help us notice what we might otherwise miss. They are most useful when they lead to a thoughtful question, a careful response and appropriate follow-through.

You do not need proof of bullying to ask whether someone is safe. And you do not need to call every difficult interaction bullying before addressing harm.

Pay attention to changes. Listen to what people tell you. Respond to the conduct, and make sure someone follows through.

Sources

These sources inform the warning-sign guidance above. Signs can have many causes; none of these references is a diagnostic checklist.

• StopBullying.gov — Warning Signs for Bullying — signs someone may be bullied or bullying others; acknowledges that some targets show no signs.
• South African Department of Basic Education — Bullying in schools — school context for signs, reporting and follow-up.
• South African Police Service — Children Safety: Parents / Bullying — listening without blame, and physical and emotional warning signs.
• UNICEF South Africa — Bullying: What is it and how to stop it — damaged belongings, avoidance, changing friendships and parental engagement.
• StopBullying.gov — Prevent Cyberbullying — online and device-related behavioural changes that may warrant attention.