"Read this if…" you have wondered why the project is called Don't Be THAT Guy — and what an old joke about a wall, a hole and a counting voice has to do with bullying.

The name of this project came from a story I used in an early presentation about bullying. It is a short, rather crude joke. I still like it because the punchline catches people off guard, and then gives them something to think about.

The joke isn't the reason I began caring about bullying. That story is more personal, and I tell it in **Our Story**. But this little tale helped me put a name to an idea I wanted people to remember.

Seventeen … eighteen

Imagine walking down a street beside a high wall.

From somewhere on the other side, you hear a voice chanting:

"Seventeen … seventeen … seventeen …"

You keep walking, but the voice continues. There's no explanation, just the same number, over and over.

Then you notice a small hole in the wall.

Curiosity gets the better of you. You put your eye to the hole to see what's happening on the other side.

Poke!

Someone jabs you in the eye.

You stagger back, startled and in pain. And before you can even make sense of what happened, the voice starts again:

"Eighteen … eighteen … eighteen …"

That's the joke. Someone has apparently been counting the people they trick into looking through the hole.

It's absurd. Depending on your sense of humour, it might also earn a reluctant laugh.

But look at it again.

Who is that guy?

The person who looked through the hole was curious. Perhaps a little too trusting. Neither makes them responsible for being hurt.

The person on the other side chose to hurt a stranger. The chanting suggests they were ready to do it again, and had already done it before. To them, another person's pain was part of the entertainment.

That's the guy I didn't want us to be.

The point isn't that every bully behaves like a cartoon villain hiding behind a wall. It is that people can become so accustomed to someone else's discomfort that they stop recognising it as harm. Sometimes they cause it directly. Sometimes they encourage it with laughter. Sometimes they excuse it as a tradition, a prank or a harmless bit of fun.

And sometimes the person being targeted is expected to laugh too.

The part played by everyone else

The joke only shows us the person doing the harm and the person receiving it. Real bullying often has a larger audience.

Picture a classroom where one child is repeatedly made the punchline. Or a workplace where a colleague is publicly humiliated and everyone knows the manager will call it banter. Or a group chat where an embarrassing picture keeps being forwarded because people find the reactions funny.

Not everyone in those situations started the behaviour. But people around it can influence whether it continues.

Some join in. Some reward it with attention. Others are uncomfortable but stay quiet because they fear becoming the next target. Those reactions are not all the same, and speaking up is not always safe.

What matters is recognising that we have choices. Sometimes the useful choice is to refuse to participate. Sometimes it is to check on the person afterwards, report what happened or support someone who is trying to stop it.

I wanted Don't Be THAT Guy to speak to the person causing harm, certainly. But also to the person who is tempted to laugh along, and to anyone who has ever looked back on an incident and wished they had responded differently.

From a presentation to a learning project

That early presentation gave the project a memorable name. Over time, the work grew beyond a single story or a single kind of bullying.

The Learning Hub now looks at recognising bullying, online abuse, harmful behaviour in relationships, the role of bystanders, accountability and ways of responding more safely. It welcomes people experiencing harm, those trying to help, and people who are willing to look critically at their own conduct.

The reason behind that wider work belongs in **Our Story**. The name, though, still takes me back to that ridiculous wall and the voice counting on the other side.

It is easy to remember the number changing from seventeen to eighteen. I hope it is just as easy to remember why it changed.

Where to go next

If you're new to the Learning Hub, these are useful places to continue. You can find them through **Learn**:

• How Do You Recognise Bullying? — for understanding the behaviour rather than relying on labels.
• See Something, Say Something — for thinking about the choices available to people who witness harm.
• Dealing with Bullying — for people looking for practical support and safer responses.
• Ally to All — for the everyday conduct that makes it easier for people to be treated with dignity.

Final thought

I don't expect one old joke to change somebody's behaviour. But a story can leave an image in your mind, and an image can make you notice something you might otherwise have brushed aside.

The next time someone is being humiliated for entertainment, remember the wall. Remember the person doing the poking. And remember that the person who gets hurt is not the punchline we ought to be celebrating.

Don't Be THAT Guy.